Kayce
Ok, I'm buzzed and didn't have much fun and you're right, there's something bugging me.
Jacey
Weird choice of words. What's on your mind?
Kayce
Hunter's huge. Vandal's Huge. My roommate Friday is huge. And Cyper's working for the government talking to aliens or some shit? Like what the fuck? Why does it seem like every other person from our Paradigma teams got their big break? And I'm still like fledgeling?
Jacey
You can't keep beating yourself up like this, KC. I could ask the same kinda thing about why everyone's "big break" lasted so long when mine didn't.
Kayce
You at least got to experience what that's like.
Jacey
15 minutes of fame as the wrong person with the wrong atmosphere doing the wrong thing wasn't a good experience. It was just disorienting and stressful.
Kayce
I feel like background noise, you know? Like anything I do is just screaming into the ether.
Jacey
It's not noise, it's music.
Kayce
Still just background. Still just hitting the ether.
Jacey
Yeah, which might be the best place for it to hit. The Ether is important.
Kayce
I'm really not in the mood to get all meta right now.
Jacey
Do you think I felt good after moving back here? Do you think I just accepted it and took the Narrowlane shit in stride? It fucked me up. My surroundings fucked me up.
Jacey
All of us wanted to get away from the DeTroja clan's shadowbanking mob bullshit, you didn't want to have to deal with just being a caretaker of laundering fronts forever. And you guys left me here, to watch all three of our family's old buildings while they're off retired in the tropics. It felt like the worst failure when I got back.
Kayce
I didn't think you were a failure when you moved back, I thought you won and couldn't win anymore.
Jacey
That's not how I felt. No matter where you're at you're going to feel like you're not high up enough. I was doing all those drugs and talking with all those skeeves because I was in the same mode you're still in, trying to find what was beyond stardom.
Jacey
The only thing bigger than the stars or the planets is the sun. And I chased it.
Jacey
You don't want to be that high up when you're that unprepared. My wings melted. I crashed.
Jacey
You don't realize how safe you are staying on the moon. You're out of the heat, but you're still among the stars.
Jacey
But you need to take a cue from your own symbolism and reflect a bit.
Kayce
I wish I had your perspective, you see things so clear cut. Things are complicated for me, though.
Jacey
This is what meta is. You just identify with simple stuff outside yourself to get a better idea of where you're at in the grand scheme of things. You're too stuck in your own head to realize how important it is that you are where you are.
Kayce
Well, how do I break out of that? I'm on this grind of job, track, mix, sleep, job, track, mix, eat maybe, sleep, whatever. I don't have time to meditate or do any of that shit. I don't have any time to take my own fucking lifestyle advice I've been hocking.
Jacey
Just start with "I Am" statements and go through your day with that perspective.
Kayce
So keep distracting myself with thoughts while working?
Jacey
No, focus up but do it from a different angle. Quit liking aesthetics and Identify with stuff. Scarabs, Blue Jays, the moon.
Kayce
- This just sounds like juvinile pretend games tbh.
Jacey
It's juvinile if you use it to make yourself smaller and don't shut up about it. It's empowering if you keep it to yourself and live from it.
Jacey
You surround yourself with stuff you relate to. Slip into the archetpyes. You are the Scarab. You are The Blue Jay. You are The Moon.
Kayce
???
Jacey
Start closer. You are The Jackal.
Kayce
I'm A jackal
Jacey
- You are THE JACKAL. Just fuckin say it.
Kayce
I Am The Jackal.
Jacey
What else?
Kayce
I Am The Moon. I Am The Blue Jay. I Am The Scarab. I Am The Egg man. That's what I am.
Kayce
I Am The Walrus.
Kayce
Goo Goo Ga Joob. Are you happy now?
Jacey
Listen. If the meta doesn't work, just actually consider how many people never had followings to make livings off of. Be grateful your fans keep you fed, at least.
Kayce
It's not that I'm not grateful for that. It's just like, relative to others around me, its different, you know?
Jacey
You could probably show your shit to some DJs or come back to the Paradigma community and you'd start killing it again.
Kayce
I'm not gonna make friends with gamer DJs no one's heard of, I have fuckin standards, Jacey.
Jacey
Yeah, you're too elitist to take baby steps. You wouldn't have been able to be an elitist if you weren't doing better than someone. Start there.
Kayce
You have a point.
Jacey
I also have a beat for you on the drive if you and your ego wanna take that and run with it.
Kayce
Sure.
INTERCEPTED D22-M12-8425
Kayce
I AM THE BLUE JAY. I AM THE STELLARS JAY. I AM THE HANGNEST JEERER. I AM THE HEARTLING OF THE MOON TEMPLE. I AM THE KEEPER OF THE SCARABS. I AM THE MESSENGER OF THE TIDES.
Jacey
It's too early for you to be this awake, KC.
Kayce
I've done some ego-searching. Took me a few bottles and some weird dreams. But check this out.